PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A SPOILER-RICH ZONE. If your diet requires you to dine on television spoiler-free ... good luck with that.


Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Who's Roberto Nalbandion?

Episode 1.20: M.A.D. Original Airdate 4.26.05

"Veronica helps her friend Carmen plot revenge on her clingy boyfriend, after he releases a scandalous tape of her over the Internet. Meanwhile, Keith decides to track down the missing Duncan in exchange for the huge Kane reward."

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • BEAVER IS HERE. I'd be more excited except WE KNOW THE FUTURE. Also he comes off douchier here than they'll write him later.
  • And while Logan may not be contributing to the mocking of Veronica, he's not stopping it. But Veronica's in good snarky spirits and they're sharing secret looks and WE SEE YOU TWO.
  • Also yay Carmen is trying to break up with her toolbag bf and he's blackmailing her with racy footage. Isn't slut shaming fun, you guys?
  • Um so does this makeout session count as office hours, since we're in Veronica's Office? 

  • sidebar: I love how spinny their makeout sessions always are.
  • "So I was all no way and he was like yeah way." She's amazing when she's in full ditz mode.
  • So Tad is the absolute worst.
  • And homophobic. [In other words, typical teen boy from that era -D]
  • What a shitstain.
  • Meanwhile, Weevil gives us a clue to the car Duncan might have fled in, making a deal for 8% of the finders fee. But since we know what happens to the fee, does Weevil get anything?
  • Oooh it's time for the one-shot of Logan giving Veronica a mini tour slash making out with her.
  • Man, the chemistry with these two.
  • And the show is working hard to make Aaron seem reformed and kind of awkwardly nice BUT WE KNOW THE TRUTH, SHOW.
  • Seriously, Beaver feels like an entirely different character than he becomes. I guess they hadn't decided yet; just dropped him in. I wonder if they already had next season planned yet. They can't have.
  • I feel pretty not-great that Veronica's plan for mutually assured destruction with Tad is to frame him as a closeted gay man. I get that it's something he, with his homophobic ways, wouldn't like, but hey let's stop sanctioning that being gay is something to be embarrassed about, cool? Cool.
  • Poor Keith. He think he's earning Veronica's admission to Yale, not knowing Veronica sort of already waived the fee, trading finding Duncan for Weevil's release from prison.
  • "Maybe Duncan's smarter than I was giving credit." I know that feel, bro.
  • Wow wow WOW Tad. Claiming he loves Carmen while blackmailing her into not dumping him. "You made me do it! And look, if you make me do it again -"
  • Awww Logan brought Veronica her car. TRUE LOVE.
  • Even if it's just a light dose, I always love when Cliff McCormack shows up. He is a snarky delight.
  • Aw, Keith and Alicia are taking ballroom dancing classes. This is too cute.
  • Oh lord Shenanigans! That that dude brought in a popsicle from home for the sole purpose of mocking Carmen with it, and managed to keep it UNWRAPPED in his back pocket until he saw her ... and that when he did, it was unmelted and not covered in lint. So many shenanigans, you guys.
  • And here we see another foil to Veronica, much like Meg was. Veronica's impulse is for revenge, but Carmen recognizes it wouldn't actually make her feel better.
  • Oh shiiiiiiiiit I forgot that the video of Carmen actually sets Veronica on her mission for the next episode - find out who drugged and raped her - because it was the same night.
  • Hahahaha and now Mac wants her percent of the bounty too. Veronica's gonna disappoint so many people.
  • Geeeeez Wiedman is threatening Alicia to break up with Keith or she might lose her job. And then she calls him Mr. Weed and it's amazing.
  • Except he found the bug Veronica asked Wallace to plant.
  • I see Weevil got his trademarked revenge on Tad, duct taping him to the flagpole.
  • shit shit shit shit Tad got the drugs from Logan shit shit shit
  • everything hurrrrrrrtssssssssssss
  • Interesting, since the show ends with Logan looking disappointed and sad, stood up for his yachting date with Veronica, and not with his having any mien of malevolence or menace, the show is definitely signalling that he's not actually going to be the villain, at least not of what happened the night of Shelly Pomeroy's party.

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Hey, it’s Beaver!
  • Aww, Veronica and Logan doing the “I Hate You” banter but giving each other SECRET LOOKS OF LOVE.
  • Mystery of the week:  Bad boyfriend blackmailing his girlfriend into staying with her with a dumb video.
  • Logan & Veronica making out in her "office." Respect at work, Veronica!
  • I dunno. There are so many flaws in this plan.  Tad’s phone wasn’t even on.  He can easily prove that to his teacher if he wanted to.  Even if the phone was on, he could have shown that there were no missed calls.  It’s just…such a stretch.
  • “I volunteered to separate the recycling from the cafeteria trash”  Seriously?  And her teacher bought this terrible excuse?
  • “Hi…Miss Fanell…”, she said through gritted teeth.
  • Mac!
  • Ugh, this “who’s gayer” back and forth argument between teenage boys is the worst.
  • Weevil “We’re always owing each other favors aren’t we?” – That’s what our stats say!
  • Logan’s already giving her rides – that’s boyfriend responsibilities!
  • Oops.  Veronica/Logan caught by Aaron.
  • Oh man, Beaver’s streaked hair.
  • They’re tricking us into thinking Aaron’s becoming a cool dad…  Just wait.
  • I hate seeing Veronica stuck in a car with Aaron, knowing what we know.
  • I kinda hate this.  Because the producers/writers think they’re being witty here.  But all it’s doing is making me uncomfortable – using the only gay kid in school (that we know of yet) to get faked compromising photos/video to blackmail someone by making him think they’ll tell the world he’s gay.  Gay as blackmail.  GAY AS BLACKMAIL.  It’s fucked.  It works because it’s fucked.  But no one’s thinking about the actual gay kid. 
  • Yeah, I’m kinda over this.
  • Let’s concentrate on Logan & Veronica – because it’ll be years before we see a good healthy gay relationship on tv.  Might as well ship the heterosexuals. [Hey. - Willow & Tara.]
  • Cliff!
  • Keith and Alicia also make a cute couple.  It’s just nice to see Keith happy.
  • Well he released it anyway.  That’s actually unexpected.   And Carmen takes the high road.
  • Mac and Keith meet!
  • Clarence Wiedman telling Alicia who she can and can’t date.  NOT COOL KANE SOFTWARE.  That’s her personal life!
  • Oh no.  Logan Echolls is the one that gave Tad the GHB.  A CROSS TO BEAR FOR LOGAN AND VERONICA? SAY IT AIN’T SO.
  • Also, final joke/pay-back? A tattoo that says Seth’s name that everyone will see.  HAHA YOU ARE GAY THAT IS FUNNY.
  • Done.

Favorite Lines:
Zelda: "Tardy excuse slips. Date-stamped. Untraceable. I know people." - Veronica
Daniel: Logan: "What, like will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say 'I wuv you bear-y much'?"  Veronica: "Yes, exactly that. Except I want my bear won through some sort of demonstration of ring tossing ability."


Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Logan, Weevil (Absent: Duncan)
First Appearance: Cassidy "Beaver" Casablancas, Carmen Ruiz
Recurring: Dick Casablancas, Veronica's "Office," Alicia Fennel, Felix Toombs, Mac, Aaron Echolls, Cliff McCormack, Clarence Wiedman


Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 1
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Mac Does Veronica a Favor - 2
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

It Was Heartfelt Crappy

Episode 1.19: Hot Dogs. Original Airdate 4.19.05

"When awkward classmate Mandy asks Veronica to help her find her missing dog, a much larger scheme is exposed as they follow the trail. Meanwhile, Logan's sister Trina begs her father to play a role in her new boyfriend's movie, while Logan suspects that Trina is hiding something."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Hey, it’s Weevil.  Haven’t seen him in a while.
  • Veronica’s tutoring him in math – it’s nice that she’s doing him a favor.
  • For a private conversation, word about Veronica’s accusation (which wasn’t really an accusation) got around fast.  I imagine Duncan told Logan – but I feel like Logan wouldn’t tell anyone.  Who knows?
  • Logan’s cool.  He points to the ceiling and the bell rings.  How did he do that?  Not gonna lie, I’ve done the same with my automatic doors at work.
  • Poor Mandy.  She just wants her dog back.  I’m glad Veronica is sympathetic enough to help her.
  • Veronica to Leo: “How are you?” CAN’T YOU TELL BY THAT SMILE?
  • I…I dunno.  Alyson Hannigan is just so miscast in this role.   It’s obvious she was only given it riding the coattails of Buffy.
  • “Coolest girl in Neptune High.”  It’s nice when people reveal their awe of Veronica
  • I’m glad Veronica stood up for Mandy but telling her she needs to stand up for herself is not cool.  Not everyone can do that, V.
  • I’m glad Back-Up is in this episode. All doggie-themed episodes should have Back-Up.
  • “I know you think I hate you but I don’t.  I just can’t stand to look at you.”
  • A long time ago, Mrs. Kane and Keith used to be friends.
  • Is Duncan in Australia?  Nope, not yet.
  • And Logan.  As much as he hates his sister, he still wants to protect her.
  • “No discussing parental PDA at lunch”
  • So many cute dogs in this episode!
  • “Sure, let’s play dirty charades with the Gringa”
  • This episode is very dirtily witty. “Always getting out of the back of some dude’s van.”
  • The guy who plays Dylan is kinda unrecognizable.  He later goes on to play Carlos Rivera on General Hospital. 

  • It’s nice that Aaron is protecting his daughter by kicking this kid’s ass – but he’s still responsible for doing the same things to Logan as he’s accusing his own father of doing to him, so.  Remember the belt?
  • “Do you think Lilly loved Weevil?”  Wow, shit – deep, out-of-the-blue question from Logan.
  • Hey, more kissing!  Glad it’s not just a one-off.  Both Veronica and Logan are confused and delighted and it’s all really cool.
  • Oh no.  I don’t like when Leo loses that smile.  And the only thing that can make that happen is Veronica breaking up with him.  I’m glad she’s being honest with him, though.  She even told him what happened with Logan.
  • “That’s where we keep the dogs with serious contagious diseases.”  That’s a TERRIBLE excuse.
  • Mandy tazes Hans like 5 times.  Once is enough to cause serious damage, though I guess not necessarily on someone who’s 18, but still.  It’s more dangerous than people think.
  • “Can I ask you a weird question?” “Do you ask any other kind of questions?”
  • Aww, Chester/Mandy reunion.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • The previouslies are reminding us that Veronica made out with two guys last ep
  • She should ... probably do something about that.
  • Awww she's tutoring Weevil. Welcome back, Weevil! We missed you.
  • "He helped me out in the past, I'm just returning the favor." VERONICA RETURNS FAVORS
  • Aw awkward Mandy is reading Judy Blume. Of course she is.
  • Logan and Veronica, meaningful looks, trying not to smile, talking about Duncan's disappearance, everything is awkward
  • just my opinion
  • "You're Veronica Mars, right?" // "Sometimes." It's a joke because of all her aliases. 
  • hahaha "Do I have to tip you over or are you gonna spill it on your own?"
  • Oops Weevil broke into the Kane house. 
  • See, this is the danger with Veronica talking about the case with people who loved Lilly. They alllllll have intense revenge streaks, several of them violent.
  • Aaron Echolls reading Siddhartha. snort
  • Aaron was removed from Lynn's will. Good.
  • Aw the animal shelter guy declares Veronica Mars to be the coolest girl at Neptune High. Also his name is Hans. Also doesn't he turn out to be the bad guy?
  • God I love Logan sometimes. "Would you look at that? There was a string attached to my poptart!"

  • So every shot in the Echolls household this episode has had someone cleaning/working in the background.
  • Veronica Mars, human lightning. Tearing that showerbag [editor's note: look up the french word for shower if you want to see why Zelda likes this as an insult] who's trolling Mandy a new one. But she's not just a marshmallow, she yells at Mandy too, telling her to demand respect.
  • Gasp! Veronica has detected A Pattern. It's not just Chester. Other dogs are missing.
  • Oops Celeste Kane has arrived for a reckoning. But Veronica has ammunition of her own.
  • "I know you think I hate you, but I don't. I just can't stand to look at you." Cool, totally cool.
  • Oops Trina's got a limp and the telltale indoor sunglasses of Abuse Victim
  • And Logan flips from slut shaming to angry protective Echolls
  • Wow Hans is a showerbag. "How old are you, anyway, Hans?" // "18, why?" // "Community soap."
  • Awwww Weevil's out of jail!
  • It's actually pretty interesting, this scene with Aaron and Trina. He sees her putting on the makeup to cover her black eye, comments on it obliquely but doesn't press it. Maybe, being part of an abusive cycle himself, he knows the signs. And the degree of his psychopathy is that he's not gonna go psycho just yet. He'll bank that anger until he can destroy Dylan in person.
  • GUYS THIS WAS OUR CLUE IF WE WEREN'T PICKING IT UP BEFORE. Aaron Echolls is patient, violent, and confident enough in his untouchability that he feels no qualms about beating the absolute shit out of someone.
  • And all while Dean Martin sings to us about Amore.
  • And then he casually greets Logan. "Oh hey, son, how was school?"
  • And at least she's doing right by Leo and breaking up with him rather than cheating on him.
  • But at least it's not an abuse of his position like some of the favors she asks - here he gets to make a bust. "Please, resist arrest. Please."
  • "Can I ask you kind of a weird question?" // "Do you ask any other kinds of questions?"
  • ahhhhhhhhhh my feeeeeeelings Keith is conducting his own DNA test, after Veronica shredded the one she had done without reading it.
  • Awww Mandy got her dog Chester back!


Backup: *runs and tackles dog guy*
Daniel: (laughing, fondly) He just wants kisses.

Veronica: Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like I have to do a shot every time someone asks for my help?
Zelda: Pot, kettle.

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: "I know you think I hate you, but I don't. I just can't stand to look at you." - Celeste Kane
Zelda: "If I want you to speak, I'll wave a snausage over your nose. If you use Mandy again to try to convince yourself that you're not a loser, I will ruin your life." - Veronica


Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Logan, Weevil (Absent: Duncan)
First Appearance: Mandy, Barry Randall (Echolls family lawyer)
Recurring: Deputy Leo D'Amato, Aaron Echolls, Trina Echolls, Celeste Kane, Lilly Kane
Veronica's Alias: Yorkshire Terrier-owning Bridget; Todd Russell's assistant at CAA

Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 1
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mandy Tases Someone - 1
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - KEITH IS CURIOUS
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Leo Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Aaron Beats the Shit out of Someone - 1
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

He's a Fine Gentleman, Pa

Episode 1.18: Weapons of Class Destruction. Original Airdate 4.12.05

"After several fire drills and bomb threats rock Neptune High, Veronica looks to new student Ben as a possible suspect. Meanwhile, Veronica and Wallace are shocked to discover that their parents have been secretly dating, and Duncan finds out that Veronica has been spying on him."

Zelda's Thoughts:
  • Oh hi Deputy Leo, Law Enforcement, making out with a teenager.
  • (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I do like Max Greenfield)
  • "Veronica, we need to talk." // "He's a fine gentleman, pa. He'll come up with the dowry to marry me, just you wait." I love the Marses
  • Veronica is excited about the prospect of bunk beds with Wallace.
  • So ... are we pretending Wallace doesn't have a little brother anymore?
  • Oh look, a new journalism teacher. Ciao Miss Dent
  • meanwhile Logan's cracking snarky jokes and Veronica's giggling at all of it. I SEE YOU, MY SHIP.
  • Hah new journalism teacher is the former pep squad advisor. At least they give us a throwaway line for why they wrote off Miss Dent so quickly - she got knocked up.
  • omg the voice of the woman Veronica calls. what kind of fakeass voice is that? Did they just have Kristen Bell go into another room and record that?
  • aw it's Corny. hi Corny
  • And the whole point of the Corny scene is so we can see that the dogs the cops bring in aren't drug-sniffing dogs but bomb-sniffing ones
  • OH THAT'S WHY IT'S SUCH A WEIRD VOICE. Because Veronica fakes the voice and calls Clemmons to get more information.
  • I dunno, when my school had bomb threats (literally all of them were pranks/kids trying to get out of class, as far as I know), we all knew what they were. They weren't trying to keep it under wraps. Also, the evacs took way longer than a regular fire drill, and they had to get us farther offsite. If the search took too long, they'd just send us home.
  • man, Veronica's denial is still heartbreaking. She's convinced the relationship between Keith and Alicia won't last because she's waiting for her mom to get out of rehab. Wallace is properly offended.
  • Seriously, where is Wallace's little brother while Wallace and Alicia are at the Mars household?
  • How convenient. Veronica comes to Mac to ask her to look at her laptop, and Pete who was just arguing with Mac, gives Veronica a clue about the potential source of the bomb threats.
  • "Am I really your best friend?" // "Who else you see around ... quit smiling at me." THEY'RE TOO CUTE.
  • And then she asks him to pull up another student's file. Friendship?
  • Oh hi Meg and Duncan. Muncan? Deg? Megcan? [I like Megcan or Mean or Dung?-D]
  • Duncan is super hella ignoring Veronica and it's making things awkward for Veronica and Meg to try to be friends.
  • Luckily he stayed long enough for Veronica to give him the instructions he needs if he wants to skip town.
  • Aw Flashback Norris made the jocks stop blowing spit balls at Unpopular Flashback Veronica.
  • No school file on Ben ehhhhhh? Could it be because he's a SPOILER.
  • Aw Wallace: "I get the top bunk!"
  • "For what it's worth, you're my best friend, too." // "I'm glad you found your mom and got her some help. I shoulda told you that sooner." // "Shoulda told YOU that sooner." Seeeeeeee actual friends.
  • Ah whoops, Duncan's freeze out was because he knows she's still looking into Lilly's murder and she has a file on him.
  • They're certainly leaning pretty hard into making Duncan a viable suspect. "Calm down." "Why, you think I'm gonna have another episode and kill you too?"
  • aw shit son JTT is hijacking Veronica's car
  • don't worry, Veronica! Logan's still on the phone, he'll find you at the Camelot!
  • and punch JTT's face in
  • lol the degree to which Veronica is unimpressed by JTT's posturing
  • aw apparently Norris has a crush on Veronica. Between Leo, Logan, and now Norris, she's pulling in all the boys
  • that's some good kiss

  • "Detention? Me? I think not, Mr. Clemmons."
  • It's weird, I was so sure Norris came back in later episodes, but this is his only one. Maybe I just know his face well because this is also the episode where Veronica and Logan first make out.
  • Wuh oh. Pete might be framing sweet weapons-obsessed Norris.
  • And then shitty shitty Jump Street Ben framed Norris because he was so desperate to land an arrest, planting weapons and fertilizer in Norris's truck.
  • Welp and then we're reminded that while Norris may seem sweet now, with his being framed and his crush on Veronica, he was a bully not that long ago and tormented Pete.
  • ooooops Duncan's on the lam
  • not Sheriff Lamb though
  • shut up
  • "They will have to really speak sharply to me before I reveal my sources." god I love her
  • V and L are exchanging meaningful looks
  • Whoops Joey Lauren Adams was signed for only one episode as the journalism teacher

Daniel's Thoughts:
  • The title of this episode: Geddit? Cause Bush?
  • Aww, Veronica and Leo making out. Why do I always ship the guys that won’t last. [Right? - Riley]
  • Ugh, I still think it’s a little weird that a cop is dating a HS girl….even though said cop is only 29 months older than her….less than 2 and a half years.  It does help a bit.
  • “He’s a fine gentleman, Pa…” – Oh, Veronica.  I love Kristen Bell so much.
  • Oh no, it’s awkward between Wallace and Veronica.  V handles it with jokes while W handles it like a teenage boy.
  • Oh Joey Lauren Adams.  She was supposed to be so famous.
  • Dumb throw-away line about what happened to Miss Dent.  That said, I’m glad they explained it. I hate when characters just disappear without explanation.
  • Miss Rauch’s voice is really stupid.
  • “Going to White Castle” – slang for getting high.
  • Z and I are pretty sure that Kristen did the voice for Miss Rauch so she could copy it later when calling VP Clemmons.
  • First her southern accent, then this – I freaking love how good Kristen Bell is.
  • Veronica’s smart but she’s still a teenager.  Even though she knows her parents aren’t right for each other, she’s still hoping they get back together and she’s a little insensitive towards Wallace.
  • Hey, It’s Mac! 
  • is not a real website.  But maybe at the time it was.
  • More awkwardness as new couple Meg and Duncan sit down with Veronica.
  • Especially since Duncan is acting like a total dick, sitting there sulking and not saying a word.
  • “The guy playing Norris is like 30 years old.”  *looks up imdb* OMG, HE REALLY IS THIRTY.

"I'm five years older than Deputy Leo."
  • Ok, so what’s going on with Duncan.  Ah, it’s because Logan told him about her investigation of Lilly’s murder…   I get it, sorta.
  • Shiiit, Veronica, that got deep. Poor Duncan – all sorts of problems.
  • Uh oh. Jonathan Taylor Thomas has a gun and is buying fertilizer. 
  • And of course, VM is smarter than the average bear and is able to get a message to Logan.
  • JTT is kind of a dumbass because he doesn’t realize that when VM dropped the phone, it was still connected to someone.
  • And ooh, JTT is Jump Street! 
  • Z and I are really happy with this turn of events – V and L kissing, finally.  And it sorta comes out of nowhere – Veronica just kinda kisses him for coming to her rescue….and his face.  Man, his face.  The subtle shock and then tiny panic of what to do next…and then the kissing. You can see every thought in that face of his. [HIS FACE. - Z]
  • Poor Leo, but.  He’s available for me now. So upside?
  • Is wifi new in 2005?  I’m pretty sure I had wifi before then.
  • She connects to his wifi from outside which is kind of impressive – especially since it’s not password protected.
  • Ben planted it!  He set Norris up!
  • Even Pete used Norris’s wifi from one house away.  
  • And the whole reasoning behind everything: Toxic masculinity rears its ugly head.  Again.  Pete set Norris up because his dad’s an asshole and Norris was an asshole and it all has to do with “being a man”.   Man, fuck that.
  • Duncan’s missing.  OMG, so much is happening this episode.
  • Well Joey Lauren Adams didn’t last long.

Veronica: Wallace, wait, do me a favor and just wait a few weeks.
Wallace: I gotta say, Veronica, getting a little tired of doing you favors.
Daniel & Zelda: GASP

Favorite Lines:
Zelda: "A girl must prioritize: wallowing in the grief of betraying an ex-boyfriend or following the guy most likely to blow up Neptune High? Hell, give me a stick of gum to chew and I'll do all three at once." - Veronica
Daniel: "He's a fine gentleman, Pa.  He'll come up with the dowry to marry me, just you wait." - Veronica, being sassy with Daddy Mars.

Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Duncan, Logan (Absent: Weevil)
Recurring: Deputy Leo D'Amato, Alicia Fennel, Vice Principal Van Clemmons, Corny, Cindy "Mac" Mackenzie, Mrs. Murphy, Meg Manning, Hotel Camelot
Familiar TV Face: Theo Rossie, Michael McMillian (ish? he goes on to more notable recurring TV roles)
Past Famous Person: Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Joey Lauren Adams
Veronica's Alias: Ellen Roush
Logan's Nicknames: Jump Street (Ben)

Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 2
Mac Does Veronica a Favor - 2
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 1
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 0

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

If You Say Josh Hartnett, I'm Going To Be So Bummed

Episode 1.17: Kanes and Abel's. Original Airdate 4.05.05

"Veronica investigates who at school is doing everything possible to distract the valedictorian front runner from studying and wreck her grades in an obvious attempt to sabotage her. Meanwhile, an unsavory rival private investigator makes Keith a business offer. Later, Veronica pursues a risky lead that could discredit Abel Koontz's confession, as Logan stumbles onto her detailed files on everyone connected to Lilly's murder."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • I’m glad Veronica knows how to spell DeLongpre because I just tried to google it and had to get google to help me.  By the way, it doesn’t mean anything in French….in case you were wondering.
  • "Tiny, blonde, cute as a bug" – Love the accurate description of Veronica/Kristen
  • She’s so good at this PI business – it’s no doubt she’ll do it later in life, no matter how many reservations Keith has.
  • Ken Marino!
  • “I heard this was kind of your office.”  HA.  That’s why we have stats!
  • Veronica’s laptop wallpaper is her and Lilly Kane.
  • “I don’t know if you were looking for pimp in the phone book and just stopped at PI” – Keith
  • Logan and Veronica – this scene is so sweet.  Even with the subtle barbs at each other, they respect each other’s love for Lilly. 
  • And stupidly, she rips up the check – a noble gesture for Logan’s mom… or so she says.  Maybe it’s more about Logan himself.
  • “Don’t worry, mum.”  - Sabrina.  Is she…british? IMDB says she's not.
  • OMG, the rave culture of the 90s, I guess slipping into the 2000s. They’ve already got their glowsticks started.
  • Ken Marino!  Vinnie Van Lowe!  He’s so sleazy! I love it!
  • What a surprise, the Kanes are having another party.  This one seems a bit low-key considering their humongous house.  Oh, it’s about the scholars.
  • Veronica imagining each of the Kanes killing Lilly.  It’s kinda gruesome.  Of course the one with Mr. Kane involves Weevil and that doesn’t seem likely.
  • Also, Weevil’s only appearance in this episode is in a fantasy.
  • Fantasy Lilly with her head bashed in…  ugh, that’s grisly.
  • I don’t know how the Kanes can even keep that house.  They’re rich enough to sell it and move.  …Or just close the pool area.
  • Cho’s Pizza.  That’s kinda amazing.
  • Again, This show illustrates class struggle and division really well.
  • Would Clarence Wiedman really try to break in to an apartment without knowing for sure that no one is home?  He’s better than that- especially at a PI’s place. SHENANIGANS.
  • Aww, Josh Hartnett!  Heartthrob of the early 2000s.  Oh, and really good on Penny Dreadful.
  • I hate when the Mars’ fight.  But I agree with both of them.  Keith is worried about Veronica’s life – which, I mean, her best friend was killed so I get that.  But Veronica is also smart and relentless and there’s no way she’s going give up looking for Lilly’s killer.
  • So it’s not Caz; it’s not Hamilton – we’re running out of suspects.
  • We’re still under the impression that Jake Kane might be Veronica’s father.  I really wish she opened that DNA test.
  • Vinnie is like the anti-Keith.  He’s the epitome of slimy-P.I.
  • Is he wearing…suspenders?

  • Ugh – Sabrina is such a downer.
  • I also like that he’s smart-ish.  He realized that the pen had a bug but….Veronica knew that Vinnie would know that…which is why she put another one on the pin his mom/assistant is wearing.
  • Hamilton: “In 20 years, she’ll be working for me.”  I hope we see that in the next movie.
  • More red herrings.  All this news about Duncan is making Veronica think that he’s a suspect – the soccer uniform, the epilepsy – the Kanes acting sketchy.

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • welp, the title of this episode makes me feel even duller that I didn't catch the Kane/Abel-Cain/Abel-ness of the names earlier ... or maybe I just forgot that the show spelled it out for me
  • I totally forgot Jockface (dudebro from Home Improvement and that one ep of Buffy) came back. It's another good touch of the VMars universe, that people would come back. We met Caz when Meg thought he might be her secret admirer. Now we see him in the context of the star student Sabrina getting harassed.
  • Oh hi Logan, spying on Veronica's computer where she's spying on everyone else.
  • "Hey, what do you think Lilly would make of you investigating all the people who loved her?" // "I loved Lilly. Maybe if I didn't, I'd be able to drop this."
  • And then Veronica rips up Logan's check. "Your mom was always nice to me." Their faaaaaaaces.
  • HAHA Amelia is watching a Harry Hamlin - I mean Aaron Echolls - movie in her motel room.

  • hahahaha Veronica using her fancy access to shame the phone sex callers.
  • "Caz, you were lurking. The innocent rarely lurk."
Apparently Snark Squad made this exact same joke but I don't care; it's where
my mind immediately went.

  • "You know, if you asked, I would jump off the roof?" // "Can I get you to stop that?" // "Ask him to jump." Cold and hilarious: that's our Veronica!
  • VINNIE VAN LOWE IN THE HOUSE. Vinnie is the worst but Ken Marino is the best.
  • Man, I know it's just in V's imagination, but it's hard to watch the vision of Celeste murdering Lilly. This is what Veronica's dealt with - imagining her friend getting murdered, over and over.
  • And now watching Jake do it, but with Weevil as witness.
  • And then she sees Lilly's ghost running through the house.
  • And Lilly talks some sense into her. "They have their faults but they are hardly murderers. Wow, you've got some imagination."
  • Man oh man I'm so blown away by the storefront for Cho's Pizza

  • I hate how this one rolls out. Sabrina doesn't deserve this. And Hamilton can't afford to go to Oxford without the scholarship, but because of what his dad does, he'll have to give it up.
  • Oh look Clarence Wiedman trying to break into the Mars apartment. Keith: "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock."
  • I do love how quickly Keith connects the dots once Veronica comes clean. But then he's mad. "Who's gonna protect you, Veronica?"
  • "All right, Veronica. New game, new rules ... You have to promise me that you'll be more careful."
  • It must pay really well to be Clarence Wiedman, considering the laws he's willing to break for the Kane family - including what he ultimately does for Duncan in Season Two.
  • And instead of Logan telling everyone that Veronica's still on the Lilly Kane Case, he's instead trying to figure things out too. (well, he tells Duncan soon, but)
  • Including telling a very incriminating story about Duncan attacking his father.
  • And it was the week he dumped Veronica. MHMMMM.
  • omg Vinnie's logo you guys

  • And his mother is his assistant.
  • Hahaha I forgot Veronica plants two bugs in Vinnie's office - one, the one he immediately suspects and taunts her with; the other, the one he didn't even know happened.
  • Poor Hamilton Cho.
  • Dammit Clarence Wiedman. Truly a worthy opponent of the Mars fam. Unlike Vinnie, who's a schmuck.
  • And now Keith and Veronica are in deep, talking through the clues, the conflicting stories.
  • And most importantly, the laundry proving the Kanes are lying about the timeline. "Honey, it was a soccer uniform I found in the dryer."
  • And now we see the vision of Duncan, unprovoked and dissociated, murdering Lilly.

Favorite Lines:
Daniel: "I don't know if you were looking for Pimp in the phonebook and just stopped at PI." - Keith
Zelda: "You were lurking. The innocent rarely lurk." - Veronica

Neptune Roll Call: Duncan, Logan, Weevil (Absent: Wallace)
First Appearance: Vinnie Van Lowe, Jessica Fuller (Vinnie's mom/assistant), Dawn (Amelia's roommate)
Recurring: Clarence Wiedman, Dick Casablancas, Veronica's "Office," Caz Truman, Jake Kane, Celeste Kane, Lilly Kane, Vice Principal Van Clemmons
Generally Known TV Face: Ken Marino

Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 1
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 0
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0 
Dick's Single Entendres - 1 ("I've been bad")
Shenanigans Called - 1

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Have We Learned Nothing from Carrie?

Episode 1.16: Betty and Veronica. Original Airdate 3.29.05

"Veronica is shocked when Van Clemmons hires her to track down the missing school mascot, Polly the Parrot, but is distracted by memories of her recent reunion with her mother. Meanwhile, Veronica digs deeper into the Lilly Kane case, using her new relationship to gain access to private information."

Zelda's Thoughts:

  • Daniel and I both made the same "ohhh" sound of recognition as we realized Veronica was tearing her room apart looking for where Clarence Wiedman bugged her. I mean, I am outraged about a man bugging the bedroom of a TEENAGE GIRL but also remember how Veronica bugged the private counselling sessions of all of her classmates related to Lilly's death?
  • oh hey Wallace is good at basketball! Slash the actor seems to not suck at it too.
  • He's come pretty far, from getting taped nekkid to the flagpole with no one but outcast Veronica for a friend, but now he's got friends and admirers.
  • No Logan this ep. Maybe he's still sleeping last episode's drunkeness off.
  • GASP VP Clemmons is asking Veronica to find out where the missing school mascot has gone to.
  • "I have noticed that you have certain skills." 

  • It's so adorable that V is bartering her fee for finding Polly, not in money, but in perks. I loves it.
  • Awwww Veronica's new locker is next to Wallace's. That's freaking adorable. Even more adorable when we find out later she's been baking boxes of snickerdoodles for Wallace.
  • heh, V goes undercover at Pan High and calls it the Un-Neptune.  "People here hate Neptune as much as I do."
  • aw she's already at the cool table
  • "And what school was that?" //"Riverdale." // "Never heard of it." Sorry CW

  • awww Veronica's thrilled little grin when even the Pan Highers are talking about how good Wallace is. IT'S SO CUTE. I like when their friendship feels like a friendship and not like a detective and her favor-doing sidekick

  • Man, it's pretty fucked up to pretend they slaughtered Billy the mascot and turned him into ground meat.
  • hahahahaha when Wilson tells "Betty" that he just walked onto Neptune's campus and pretended to be a student. "That's so brave. I can't believe that worked."
  • You know what? No. This is beyond absurd. I don't believe that this Rest Stop 15 has people macking, a car so full of pot smoke it looks like it's on fire, and guys selling boxes of electronics so big they don't even fit in the car, in one locale, all within spitting distance of each other. Shenanigans!
  • hehehehe Weevil's doubletake at the guy calling Veronica Betty. To his credit, he doesn't out her.
  • man, this is brutal. even Lianne doesn't know who Veronica's dad is, and it's eating at both of them.
  • Aw Leo brought Veronica the tapes wrapped as a gift. It's cool how Deputy Leo is super willing to break the law so he can date a MINOR. 
  • You know what Wallace is good at? Basketball. You know what he's not good at? Being sneaky about the fact that he's got Billy the mascot in a van.
  • By the time I graduated high school, our mascot was the Bruin. I ... don't think we had a live animal for the part. [We were the Tigers.  I never went to a football game, but I'm pretty sure we didn't have a tiger either. - D]
  • Duncan's been waaaaaay more animated the past four episodes. It's a nice change of pace from comatose and is a good nod to the fact that he's off his antidepressants. He's still not ... a particularly engaging performer, and I still don't ever feel like I'm seeing him thinking (unlike the Marses or Logan) behind the lines, but I'll take what I can get.
  • Awwww Wallace figured out that Veronica made his spirit boxes. FRIENDSHIP
  • "Can you do me a weird favor without asking any questions?" // "Isn't that the bedrock on which our friendship was founded?" Is it though? I thought it was based on that time she cut him down from the flagpole
  • wowwwwww  of all the gin joints, right? Veronica on her date with Leo, while Duncan is freaking introducing Meg to his parents. dayum.
  • so much Celeste Kane stink eye
  • "You eat eggs, you might as well eat baby." WOW. JUST WOW. not to #notallvegans but none of my vegan friends are self righteous lecturers like this girl is.
  • Aw I love Veronica walking in with both mascots, being greeted as both Veronica and Betty. It's not quite Buffy getting the Class Protector Award, but it's still adorable.
  • "You got Polly back?" // "I kinda rock."
  • Man, after all that, she doesn't even stay to watch? Oh haha nm she does stay to watch she just had to MAKE THE DECISION.
  • ugh I haaaaaaaate this. Veronica cashes out her entire college savings to pay for Lianne to go to rehab. "I want you to come home. I miss you." and then Lianne skips town. I hate it I hate it I hate it.
  • "Why would a person agree to confess to a murder he didn't commit?" // "Money, a lot of it."  ... "Wait dad you know what? I think I know who's collecting the money from Abel Koontz's confession." HAH she says it so Clarence Wiedman will give her her next clue - Amelia DeLongpre, Abel Koontz's daughter.
Daniel's Thoughts:

  • Veronica realized way before Z and I did why Clarence Wiedman found her mom at the same time that she did.  We both just went “ohh” at the same time as Veronica frantically searches her room for a bug.
  • Ok, well that explains how Veronica changed.  She went home and showered and she had to book a ticket.  I didn’t realize where “Barstow” was. I assumed it was a place in California that she could drive to.
  • Hey, they’re following up on Wallace’s HS basketball career and he’s actually pretty good for a shorty. And Veronica’s actually being a good friend going to watch him play.
  • That’s my problem?”  I love it.
  • I kinda love that vice principal Clemmons has finally wised up about Veronica – that she’s actually helpful and useful.
  • Veronica’s face, though, is amazing – when she realizes she’s not in trouble and he wants her help.
  • I’m glad it was revealed that Wallace is on the team, though, before it was contivingly retconned due to this episode’s plot.
  • I love that Veronica just crashes another school and goes to their cafeteria.
  • She’s Betty. Get it?  And her old school is Riverdale.  Geddit?
  • Aww, Veronica is delighted to hear strangers talking about her friend Wallace as being awesome.
  • Oooh.  At the time of the murder, Mommy Mars and Jake Kane were at a hotel together.
Smile #3,401

  • Don’t forget, Veronica, Daddy Mars is a detective.
  • “Oh hey, Betty.”  I don’t know why that cracks me up.
  • Pan high school?  I mean who are they named after?  Oh, is that a mythology joke? Neptune/Pan?  But also, is the town called Pan?
  • Veronica really enjoys girling it up to get what she wants.  It’s actually kinda awesome.
  • V helped Weezil out like once.  I love that he’s constantly repaying her since.
  • Ok, see that’s a friend. “But you think all this stuff is stupid.” “You don’t.”  It’s nice to see that level of friendship between Veronica and Wallace.
  • Meg’s meeting the Kane parents.   Awkwarddddd
  • And it’s ruining Veronica’s date with Leo.
  • “You eat eggs, you might as well eat baby.” Dude.
  • Poor Meg.  Veronica has reason to not want to be friends with Meg, even if it is unfair.
  • Abel Koontz has a daughter.  I figure Veronica could have figured this all out easily just by looking it up. 


*holds up a weirdass statue to crush Clarence Wiedman's bug*

D: What the hell is that?!

Favorite Lines:




Neptune Roll Call:
Wallace, Duncan, Weevil (Absent: Logan)
Recurring: Lianne Mars, Vice President Van Clemmons, Meg Manning, Deputy Leo D'Amato, Jake Kane, Celeste Kane, Clarence Wiedman.
Veronica's Alias: Betty


Dead Humans - 0
Dead Mascots - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Leo Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Weevil Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1
VERONICA WAS WRONG - 1 (Weevil didn't steal the parrot)

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Who the Hell Names a Dog Steve?

Episode 1.15: Ruskie Business. Original Airdate 2.22.05

"As Valentine's Day approaches, Veronica finds herself working as a love detective, tracking down Meg's secret admirer and helping a Russian woman find her missing fiance, both with unexpected results. Meanwhile, Logan's family troubles continue when he stakes out a hotel that he believes is hiding his mother."

Daniel's Thoughts:

  • I kinda hate this “your mom’s credit card has been used” thing because it’s such a red herring and it gives Logan hope that will never come true.
  • Duncan, “Don’t be stingy with the glitter.”  What.
  • Showing Meg on a bus in the dark is super ominous knowing what we fans know.
  • Ah, so the word of the day is “Soulmate”.  How wonderful for VM.  And DK.
  • “Special guest star Alyson Hannigan”
  • Veronica, “You’re on the basketball team right?”  I mean, as Wallace’s friend, shouldn’t she know that?
  • Poor Wallace.  Used for his Ins.  Gets caught with a jockstrap.
  • Catherine, the Russian, doesn’t open her mouth when she speaks and that plus the accent makes it really hard to understand her.
  • Man, Kristen Bell’s Casting Agent voice.
  • Yay! Logan’s first inspirational message voicemail!
  • Dick of a Hotel receptionist who’s a total dick when he thinks they’re poor and then super helpful when he thinks they’re rich.  What a dick.
  • “He’s got that high school kid look.”  Heh, but we all know what he means. [Duncan is the generic brand of generic - Z]
  • Seriously, when does Veronica do homework?
  • How does Russian girl have Keith’s cell phone number?  Why would Veronica give it to her if she’s taking the case herself?  I know she wants her to believe that Keith is doing the case, but she also doesn’t want Keith to know she’s…doing the case.  She’d know how to work that out. SHENANIGANS.
  • The guy’s dog’s name is Steve. “Who the hell names a dog Steve?”  Actually!  It’s a Groundhog Day lyric
  • “We’ve got caller ID”.  That way, you don’t have to say a fake 555 number out loud.
  • Leaving a friend at a party – not cool Veronica.
  • He calls the british hotel receptionist, “Jeeves”. He shoulda said Giles.
  • Ugh, I really hate that they cast Alyson Hannigan in this role because she’s so freaking bad.  She’s so completely miscast.  She doesn’t do rich girl wanna-be actress well.  And it makes me angry because she’s so good in Buffy.  And I don’t know if it’s the character or she was just directed really well.  Because I haven’t seen her be good since.
  • It’s just really bad.
  • Like, I don’t see her as “Dead Hooker #2” on CSI
  • I would have rather her be cast as the newspaper class teacher.
  • Oh fuck, Logan.  He’s totally breaking down and it’s wonderful.  And bits like this is when we start to really love Logan and Jason Dohring and probably when Rob Thomas put him more in the forefront of things.  He worked his way into leading man because he’s a good actor and that’s….well, kinda awesome. [this is me, nodding along happily to everything you say - Z]

  • This would have been a good episode for Back-Up to have been in.  Cause of all the doggies.
  • When Deputy Leo has his gun raised, his bullet proof vest goes up past his chin and it’s so cute.
  • Oh man.  I love the 80s dance stuff.  I think Meg could have picked something more flattering, though, than Molly Ringwald's dress from Pretty in Pink.  Accurate, yes.

  • Wow, people at Neptune High really got into the theme part of the dance.  I don’t think kids at my high school would have.
  • Again, Veronica is abandoning Meg.  WTH, girl.
  • Ha, Duncan looks kinda cute in his “Duckie” outfit.

  • Aww, puppy Veronica Mars.  So heartbroken.  She’ll be all right.  And there’s Deputy Leo saving the day.  How did he know when/where etc.? Oh, Meg.
  • Nice legs, Logan.
  • An older cop kissing a high school junior – I should be mad about this.
  • Did she…uncrimp her hair on the way to meet her mom?

Zelda's Thoughts:


  • "Thanks for helping out with this." // "I know what it's like."
  • Too many soulmates for one episode. What is this, Buffy?
  • "What is it with you girls and your girly-girl drama?" I guess that's a line of dialogue.
  • Wallace for the win! Realizing looking for the dog is a faster way to track down Tom Cruz than generic guy casting call.
  • omg Veronica's massive scrapbook. A pre-pinterest pinterest board full of madness. Did she have that lying around, or did she manage to put it together in no time flat?

  • Man, the way Logan's voice is lightly trembling, trying to hide his excitement that his mom might be upstairs in the hotel room.
  • This florist might be my favorite throwaway character. "He's got that look, you know ... you know, kinda that, uh, high school kid look."
  • Hoo boy, the two guys Meg thought might be her suitors are real ... winners. Ugh.
  • Oh hey it's Willow but callous and snide.
  • I think this is the first Veronica hears about the history of Aaron Echolls abusing Logan.
  • And then poor Logan just completely falls apart. Because there's no more bargaining and no more hope. His mom is gone.
  • Meanwhile Keith is being stalked by Russian mobsters and I'd totally forgotten that was the actual story behind Catherine-looking-for-Tom #oops
  • Luckily for us, those Marses are generally wily. He not only skirts the tail, he breaks into the mobsters' car.
  • Hah, I love that Karl the sketch artist was originally brought in for a joke - he drew a picture of Veronica with devil horns for Deputy Leo, and Veronica brings him to my favorite florist to try to figure out who Meg's secret admirer is.

  • Hah, they even bring back the model house from the party earlier in the episode to sting the mobsters.
  • So question. The pink dress from Pretty in Pink. It's not ... actually a good dress, right? I'm not alone in that? Alona Tal looks fine, but it's a dumb dress.
  • Aw man, Veronica's crying. Duncan ain't worth it, V!
  • and Leo shows up and it's sweet if you ignore the adult-child thing
  • and now Logan's having a drunken meltdown :(


Leo: *knocks on Veronica's car window, bouquet in hand*
Daniel, melting: oh my god

Favorite Lines:

Daniel: "That, or a drunk dingo had a three-way with an ocelot or a porcupine." - Wallace
Zelda: "He had that look, you know ... you know, kinda that, uh, high school kid look." - Manny, the World's Best Florist Ever


Neptune Roll Call: Wallace, Duncan, Logan (Absent: Weevil)
First Appearance: Trina Echolls
Recurring: Meg Manning, Deputy Leo D'Amato, Lianne Mars, Clarence Wiedman
Already Famous Person: Alyson Hannigan
Past Famous Person: Zachery Bryan
Buffy Alum: Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan), Peter Nicols (Zachery Bryan)
Logan's Inspirational Greeting: "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Veronica's Alias: Nasal Casting Director, Logan's fiancee, owner of a Catahoula Leopard dog named Lulu
Logan's Nicknames: Sugarpuss (Veronica), Jeeves (Hotel Receptionist)


Dead Humans - 0
Backup Sighting - 0
Veronica Breaks In - 0
Veronica Tases Someone - 0
Mac Hacks - 0
Who's Your Daddy? - 0
Wallace Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Leo Does Veronica a Favor - 1
Veronica Wants a Pony - 0
Logan Punches Someone - 0 
Dick's Single Entendres - 0
Shenanigans Called - 1